How To Build Self Confidence

One of the biggest fears people have is looking silly or looking stupid.  This is especially true in the context of presenting in front of groups.

Why Do We Have A Lack of Self Confidence?

It is a reflection of our self-image.  How we perceive ourselves.  And from our need to be loved.

Here’s how it works:  Let’s say I have a low self esteem or confidence.

Here is the conversation in my head: “I am afraid to do something that may make me ‘look or sound stupid’ because at the moment I’m the only one who knows this.  If I do something stupid, then OTHER people will know this too and when they do,  they will think that I am not good enough and therefore I will not worthy of their love…. so I just won’t do anything”

And EVERYBODY needs love.

What’s the conversation like if I have confidence and a great self-image?

“I could care less if I look silly or stupid, because the situation probably was silly or funny, I know I’m not stupid and I assume the people watching me know I’m not stupid… As a matter of fact, I’m going to laugh too!”

When does this happen?

When other peoples’ opinion of you is more valuable than your own opinion of yourself (your self-image).

It’s one primary reason people don’t get out there and speak or why they don’t get in front of the camera.

If that describes you. It’s costing you.

It’s costing you time, money and relationships.

If you are one of those people that are so concerned what other people are going to think of you then you are drastically impeding your growth both personally and professionally.

So what can you do about?

Step 1. Recognize what is happening.
Acknowledge that it is fear.   This will flip the switch from an unconscious fear pattern to a conscious fear pattern.

The first step in emotional mastery is to become aware that you are consciously incompetent at something.

Step 2. Consciously make a decision to do anyway.
Just by recognizing your fear for what it is, you will begin notice a sense of relief… and when you layer that with taking action in spite of that fear you begin to build a new pattern.

Our reality is the result of our most prominent thought patterns.  As you begin to take action in the face of fear you will begin to ‘think’ differently about that situation that used to be fearful and that will become your new unconscious pattern.

Step 3. Create a new belief that stepping out of your comfort zone is necessary.
Here’s something that has really helped me on my journey of self-development.

Whenever I am fearful of doing something here is the conversation in my head: 

“Ok Jeff, this is just a fear.  It’s a sign that this action it is out of my comfort zone.  You believe that success is only reserved for those that are comfortable stepping out of their comfort zone… so here’s your chance to do what 97% of the planet will not do… step out of their comfort zone.  So Go for it!!  Even if you totally mess up at least you can let it ‘be ok’ because you were one of the few that would at least try.”

Here is a video that inspired me to write this note.

It’s a video from a guy that I admire so much for his ability to push through his comfort zone.  Do you think you could do this in front of live audience of perfect strangers?

Here is the video:

Loving, Living, Giving Large,



  1. Kimberly Olbrich on October 13, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Very good! Way to laugh at yourself and with others!

    • Roberto Monaco on October 14, 2011 at 3:50 pm

      Thanks Kim!! You gotta have fun doing what you love!!!

    • Jeff Sterling Paro on October 14, 2011 at 8:09 pm

      Kimberly…I blessed because I get to laugh like that everyday!

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